Thank God For Regret

“Marry, and you will regret it; don’t marry, you will also regret it; marry or don’t marry, you will regret it either way. Laugh at the world’s foolishness, you will regret it; weep over it, you will regret that too; laugh at the world’s foolishness or weep over it, you will regret both. Believe a woman, you will regret it; believe her not, you will also regret it… Hang yourself, you will regret it; do not hang yourself, and you will regret that too; hang yourself or don’t hang yourself, you’ll regret it either way; whether you hang yourself or do not hang yourself, you will regret both. This, gentlemen, is the essence of all philosophy.”

These are the words of Søren Kierkegaard in his first published work: Either/Or. Kierkegaard was a Danish theologian, philosopher, author, poet, and artist, and is considered by many to be history’s first existentialist. That particular quote of his, and the understanding that regret is inevitable and unavoidable, is a theme I often see echoed throughout Babette’s Feast, and in a sense is a through-line of the play. I find that many of the characters within Babette’s Feast have to grapple with regret, and have to make decisions that one way or the other, they would regret.

“I will settle my account with you, young man, tonight. I will sit at the same table where you sat mute, and I will answer any question posed to me. I will let you prove to me once and for all that thirty-one years ago, I made the right choice.”

Lorens Loewenhielm is the first character that pops out to me when I think about this theme of regret. By all means, this is a man on top of the world, he is a wealthy man, a general, and someone both well-travelled and well-cultured. In the general’s own words:

“It might be said that I have gained the whole world. I’m in high favour with royalty. I’ve done well in my calling. I have friends everywhere. My wife is a brilliant woman and still good-looking.”

However, in that same breath, regret creeps in:

“Yet something, somewhere has been lost.”

Despite having everything any man could reasonably or unreasonably want, that regret, that ever-present pain sits with him. Over having left Berlevaag all those many years ago, and with it, Martine, the girl he still loves to the present day. Make no mistake, the point is not that Loewenhielm made the wrong decision, because what was the alternative? Abandon that great and meaningful life he had built for himself, just to stay in Berlevaag with the potentially vain hope that the Dean would let him marry Martine? All of this is to say that no matter what, Loewenhielm would’ve never made the wrong choice, but he would regret it. After all:

“Marry, and you will regret it; don’t marry, you will also regret it; marry or don’t marry, you will regret it either way.”

However, for all this, there is still a tragedy for General Loewenhielm, that he is to be, in some ways, internally tortured by his regret for the rest of his life. There is closure in all this though, as there is one character who in my eyes, represents someone coming to terms with their regret, and making peace with it.

“Yes, I was a Communard! And those people whom I named, mesdames, were evil and cruel. They let the people of Paris starve, they oppressed and wronged the poor. Thanks be to God, I stood upon a barricade, I loaded the gun for my menfolk! But all the same mesdames, those people belonged to me, they were mine. They had been brought up and trained with greater expense than you, my little ladies, could ever imagine to understand what a great artist I am. I could make them happy. When I did my very best, I could make them perfectly happy.”

Who else could it be but the titular character herself? Babette. Babette, for the whole of the play, serves in many ways as the moral centre, many points of which the playwright wants to make are done through that of the magnificent character of Babette. There’s many themes in the play, many of which made obvious through Babette, of course, but keeping with the theme of regret, I wish to make the case as to why Babette is our example of a woman who has made peace with that all too common and all too painful emotion.

"I am a great artist. A great artist is never poor.”

Babette has been victim to some of the worst things possible. She went from a renowned chef at the Café Anglais, to getting swept with the Communards, all of which culminated in nearly all of her loved ones being killed, and her having to flee to Berlevaag. It even leads her to having to reconcile with the fact that she can’t reasonably return to France, and that Berlevaag is her new home. Doesn’t this seem like a woman who should be wracked with grief and regret? Of course, but why is she so at peace with her regret? Though, it’s undeniably still there. The first reason I propose: she knows the nature of regret, that no matter what you do, you’ll regret it. That she had to make a choice, and no matter what choice she’d make, she’d regret it. The second reason: she has a higher purpose. She is an artist, and an artist is never poor. She may regret having left the Café Anglais, but she is never deprived of her art, and for that, she has fulfillment, the soothing balm for pains of regret.

To bring all this to a conclusion, and a rather personal one at that, I find Babette’s Feast is a very personal story to me with regards to regret. For a long time, I’ve found myself ruminating on the past, on what I should or shouldn’t have done, and how much better things would be in my imagination where some ‘other’ thing happened. It’s only natural to ask “what if?” 

However, after some time I’ve come to the conclusion that whether we like it or not, regret is a life well lived. That no matter what, we’re going to regret our choices, even the best ones, because they were final choices, they ultimately decided the course of our lives. In many ways this has comforted me, and has given me hope towards regretful feelings, and ruminations of the past. Regret is a life well lived in my opinion, and to that end, I hope I continue to regret a great many strong and conclusive decisions that I will have to make in life. After all:

“Marry, and you will regret it; don’t marry, you will also regret it; marry or don’t marry, you will regret it either way…This, gentlemen, is the essence of all philosophy.”

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LOGAN INDEWEY is a performing artist, and is in the ensemble cast of Babette's Feast. He's also a featured guest on Episode 3 (The Gift of Cultural Exchange) of the Telling The Story podcast series exploring the themes and ideas in the story. Babette's Feast plays November 6-15th at The Gladstone Theatre as part of their 2025-26 season of professional theatre.